Hitting a Really Rough Spot

I adore everything art. I always have and I always will. I love to see art, I love to touch art and I love to read about art, so why am I having a problem with reading it for those who can't read it for themselves? For the last almost four years, I have been reading regional arts and entertainment news for the blind at a local radio station. I have never broadcast this part of my life believing that if one is going to do something charitable, it's far better to do it on the down-low than to make a big deal out of what you are doing. Keeping it quiet keeps it more from the heart and less from the head. But to be perfectly honest, I have grown weary of the weekly grind. It's difficult to admit this, but it's true. I still love to read about exhibitions at museums, book reviews, New England theater, et al, but for some reason having to read it each and every week and make it interesting each and every time has become something of a grind. Deciding what to read, what to cull, making sure it all fills the time frame required, and then listening to myself reading it all a second time through for any glitches is tedious. I had a few weeks off this fall due to circumstances beyond my control and I found that I liked not having to read. Loved it, in fact. This makes me feel guilty and selfish considering that it's only a couple of hours a week. But spare hours and time for working on art is hard-earned and lately not as frequent as I'd like, so I find myself resenting anything that drags me away from it. I wouldn't stop doing the reading in spite of my feelings of unrest about it and obviously no one is forcing me to continue offering my time, but each week come Sunday night I find myself thinking, "Arrrgh, I need to go read for this week." And then I not only feel shitty because I have to take the time to tape my allotted time for the week, but because I feel guilty for feeling shitty about it. I hope this is just a phase I'm going through and I'll find the joy in it once more, the feeling I had when I first began to read, but for now I just have to try to not overthink it and do as happily as I am able what I know is right. I'm not proud of feeling like this, but I am being completely honest about it. Hopefully saying it out loud will make it less horrible.